Age Appropriate Chore System

I'm going to deviate from my regular type of post today to share my chore system that has been in process for a long time now. I have researched these types of systems for years and have experimented with them in our own home. I want to make this a resource for any parents that are scrambling for more structure in their home before school gets out.

The reason I like this system is that is combines aspects of being a member of our family, personal responsibility, and creating a discipline system in a simple way.

This is a system using marbles and jars/buckets with each child name on it. I give a quarter per year (Example: Riley is 9 so he gets the sum of 9 quarters) and then divide the total by 15 for each unit that I give or take. That way each child starts with the same number of marbles in his jar but gets an age appropriate amount of money if he chooses and allowance. Each unit is a marble and can be used to get money each week for an allowance or used for a "special." If this sounds like Greek right now or seems too complicated, I can assure you once it is up and going it will simplify your life.

Family Rules

1. Obey the first time
2. Say only what is kind AND true
3. Be responsible
4. Have a good attitude

The Marble System

Name Total       Give/Take

Riley         $4.50 $.30
Raelyn $4.00 $.25
Baylee $3.00 $.20
Landon         $2.00 $.15

You will each start with your total money as a marble for each give/take unit (15) for the week on Sunday afternoon. You can choose to collect your money each Sunday or you can keep your marbles to add to each week if you are saving up for a "special." If you do family chores you can earn marbles. You can also earn marbles by doing extra kind or loving things for each other. Marbles will be taken away for not doing personal chores or for breaking rules.

Specials

Cupcake date with mom at one sweet slice.  (20 marbles)
Movie at dollar theater with dad. (20 marbles)
For popcorn on movie date (add 5 marbles)
Make Play-do date with mom (20 marbles)
Shopping for clothes at Savers or Kid-to-kid with mom (20 marbles)
Dimecade date with dad at Classic Fun (20 marbles)
Bike ride with dad (10 marbles)
Nerf gun war with mom or dad (10 marbles)
Park date with mom or dad (10 marbles)
Bake a dessert with mom (10 marbles)
Home Manicure and Pedicure with mom (10 marbles)
Host a sleepover (10 marbles)
For an ice-cream sundae at your sleepover (add 5 marbles)
A half hour of parent approved media (tv, computer, wii, DS) (2 marbles)

We also have one whole family special...meaning each kid has to work towards it at the same time. 

Classic Fun Center with whole family and 2 activities (dimecade, rollerskating, lazer tag, jungle gymn) (20 marbles each)

Personal Chores

Personal Chores are part of being in this family and learning to take care of yourself. Doing these things are your RESPONSIBILITY and do not result in an allowance. If you do not complete these tasks each day, you will lose part of your allowance.

Landon (4):

⦁ Get dressed 

⦁ Make bed every day

⦁ Bring your things from the car to the house

⦁ Take your dishes from the table to the counter

⦁ Put dirty clothes in laundry room

⦁ Put shoes and coat away

⦁ Clean up after activities or project

Baylee (6):

⦁ Make their bed every day

⦁ Bring your things from the car to the house

⦁ Take your dishes from the table to the counter

⦁ Brush teeth

⦁ Comb hair

⦁ Choose the day's outfit and get dressed

⦁ Write thank you notes with supervision

⦁ Put dirty clothes in laundry room

⦁ Clean room every night before bed

⦁ Put shoes and coat away

⦁ Clean up after activities or projectclean up after activities or project

Raelyn and Riley (8/9):

⦁ Take care of personal hygiene

1. Get dressed

2. comb hair

3. brush teeth

4. shower monday, thursday, saturday

⦁ Clean bedroom every night before bed

⦁ Be responsible for homework

⦁ Be responsible for belongings 

1. Hang up backpack

2. Pack and unpack lunchbox

3. take belongings in from the car

4. put shoes and coats away

5. Put clothes you take off downstairs on the stairs to put away when you go up

6. put dirty clothes in laundry

7. put away toothbrush and hair stuff

8. take dishes from table, rinse, and put in dishwasher

9. clean up after activities or project

⦁ Write thank you notes for gifts

Family Chores

Family chores help the family and teach you things you need to know when you have your own house someday. Doing these chores will result in allowance. I will choose chores that you can do each day and earn an extra marble. The chores will be posted on your refrigerator sheet.

Landon (4):

⦁ Set the table with supervision

⦁ Clear the table with supervision

⦁ Help a parent prepare food

⦁ Help a parent carry in the lighter groceries

⦁ Match socks in the laundry

⦁ Answer the phone with parental assistance

⦁ Be responsible for Lentil's food bowl

⦁ Be responsible for Grace's food bowl

⦁ Hang up towels in the bathroom

⦁ Clean floors with a dry mop

Baylee (6):

⦁ Be responsible for Lentil's water

⦁ Be responsible to Grace's water

⦁ Vacuum individual rooms

⦁ Wet mop individual rooms

⦁ Fold laundry with supervision

⦁ Put their laundry in their drawers and closets

⦁ Put away the kid dishes from the dishwasher

⦁ Help prepare food with supervision

⦁ Empty indoor trash cans

⦁ Answer the phone with supervision

⦁ Set table

Riley and Raelyn (8/9):

⦁ Wash dishes

⦁ Put away dishes from the dishwasher

⦁ Take Lentil on a walk

⦁ Clean the fish tank/Grace's cage

⦁ Empty trash and put new bags in tash cans

⦁ Wash the car with supervision

⦁ Prepare a few easy meals on their own

⦁ Clean the bathroom with supervision

⦁ Rake leaves

⦁ Learn to use the washer and dryer

⦁ Fold laundry with supervision

⦁ Put all laundry away with supervision

⦁ Clean the bathrooms with supervision

⦁ Take the trash can to the curb for pick up

⦁ Wet mop the kitchen and bathrooms

⦁ Vacuum individual rooms

⦁ Clean Grace's cage

⦁ Screen phone calls using caller ID and answer when appropriate

This is Baylee's sheet. I purchased these magnetic sheets at Target. The paper clipped page is her personal chores, which we plan to go over every day until she knows what is expected of her every day. The smaller things are magnets that I made. I printed out a list of her Family chores and then cut and pasted them onto scrapbook paper, laminated them and put a magnet on the back. Yah, it was a lot of initial work. When she completes them, she can take them off of her page and put them on the refrigerator. 

Eli and I do not maintain a very relaxed home life, but we recognized that some of our children thrive better in a structured environment. We also have been trying to take our kids on "dates," but often fail to schedule the time to do it. This system helps combine our desire with their responsibility. Once some of them earn a "special" of their choice we will not have a moments peace until we do our part. It works out great for all of us. 

We also take away the marbles if they don't obey the family rules. For example, if I ask Baylee to get her shoes on and she continues to do whatever it is that she is busy with, I respond, "Baylee, go get a marble out of your bucket and then go get your shoes." They hate loosing their marbles!!! So do I!

Hope there's some ideas you can use!

Turn Your Face To Me

13 years ago...

i stood trembling before a young man
we vowed words of love, promises, and hopes
how little we understood what a lifetime meant
we closed the pages of our childhood

do our lives look the way we expected?
would 20 year old Eli and Lindsay be surprised 
at who 33 year old Eli and Lindsay have become?
would they be happy with what is?

things and people and places that were so important then
are now gone
replaced with things and people and places that are important
now

the old has died
the new is come

often we map out what we want our life will look like
but it hardly happens the way we plan
but we must lay down our maps and hopes
to pick up new ones 

graduation weekend

the first time in 9 years that we don't have a party to attend
a celebration of life left for someone else to frequent
instead Eli flies to Kansas
to say goodbye 
to grandparents
that have seen generations come and go
the grandfather that stood before us on our wedding day
to pronounce us "man and wife"

with something new 
comes the loss of something else
a seed dies
to spring up in life
the fall of man
has brought on this loss
we cannot imagine a way with out the lapse
a list of pros without the cons

memorial day

we honor the memory of those who have died 
to give us what we enjoy
death
for life

we forsake the past 
to move into the present
but it cannot be without pain

The fall, the fall, oh God, the fall of man
The fruit is found in every eye and every hand
Nothing there is nothing yet in truest form
We walk like ghosts upon the earth
The ground it groans

How long, how long will you wait
How long, how long till you save us all, save us all

Turn your face to me

The light, the light
The morning light is gone
And all that's left is fragile breath in failing lungs
The night, the night
The guiding night has come
Uniting lover with his bride
More precious than the dawn

How long must we wait

Turn your face to me

--Gungor

I Dreamed a Dream

I had received a bag in the mail which partnered the post office with the local food bank. On the bag were instructions for leaving canned food in the bag by our post box for the post man to pick up.

I rummaged through our food and starting pulling green beans and pineapple to throw in the bag because these two canned items my children refuse to eat. 

As I took the bag outside hundreds of little African children with bare torsos and feet started swarming me asking if they could eat some of the food. I went back inside to get a can opener. I opened the cans and the children ate the food out of them using their fingers and telling me "Thank-you! Green beans and pineapple are my favorite!"

I told them to come to our church because I had a sermon I was going to preach. "The church" was a shabby looking building at the end of our dirt road but it had beautifully padded seats for everyone to sit on. When the children were sitting quietly, I got up on the stage and began my sermon from John 10.

10 “Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. ² The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”⁶ Jesus used this figure of speech, but the Pharisees did not understand what he was telling them.

⁷ Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. ⁸ All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. ⁹ I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.^[a] They will come in and go out, and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

¹¹ “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. ¹² The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. ¹³ The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

¹⁴ “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— ¹⁵ just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. ¹⁶ I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. ¹⁷ The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. ¹⁸ No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”

As I tried to read this passage, I kept getting tongue-tied over and over and giggling about it. All the children would laugh with me as if I was telling funny jokes the whole time. 

Good preacher that I was, I had planned an illustration and on cue a little boy brought a lamb on stage. The little lamb was supposed to follow the boy back and forth behind me, but when the children saw the lamb they flooded the stage and the little distracted lamb didn't follow the boy around at all. He bounded from child to child much like a puppy would in that situation. The children laughed in delight.

(That's me with Lamby. I told you before that my totally awesome mom let us get a wide variety of pets and this was one of them.)

Frustrated and trying to bring my sermon to a close, I yelled above the noise, "We are like this little lamb!"

Oblivious to the lesson I had just tried to teach, the children whooped when they realized I was done talking and began clamoring all around me, "Do you have more green beans and pineapple?"

I went back to my pantry and pulled out all the food that they would be able to eat without any prep. There was alot.

I brought it outside and watched them eat until they were full and they settled in around me, laughing and playing with each other. My heart was filled with joy seeing hundreds of children's bellies satisfied.

When I woke up, I wanted to slip back into my dream. I wanted to keep experiencing the joy I had in fulfilling the real needs of these children. I can't seem to shake it either.

I keep going back to the passage of scripture in my dream because I keep wondering who I am in that passage. Am I a thief? Am I a wolf? Am I a gatekeeper? Am I the hired hand? Am I a stranger? Am I a sheep? Am I a sheep in the other pen?

Sometimes it feels like it is hard in this country to meet real needs of people. But when I am truly aware, I see need all around me. 

The young mom who just had a baby but also has two toddlers that want to play outside. 

The young mom who is painting her new home and needs a third hand to hold her fussy one. 

The little girls next door, that want to talk about their day at school but their mom is still working. 

The little boy down the street who buries his face between his knees after his best friend told him he was not going to play with him ever again.

 The girl up the road that screams "You're stupid!" to my daughter and her friends as they walk past. 

The teacher that could use some encouragement after a hard day in the classroom. 

Our elderly neighbor, whose small plot of grass could use a quick mow.

You see, I don't think we need to be extraordinary to be part of the kingdom of God. We don't have to be able to preach wonderful sermons. Or sing like an angel. We don't even need to bag up our rejected can goods to give to the hungry. It's all around us.

Often, all it would take to meet a need is a sacrifice of a few minutes of our time. But we hold onto our time and schedules as though tomorrow won't happen if we aren't able to cross off everything on our to-do list.  I'm not pointing fingers. I failed miserably at this very concept yesterday right after I dreamed this dream. 

(This picture makes me laugh. That's me that just got pounded in the face while my brother and sister stand by and laugh. But it kinda reminds me of myself right now. Getting pounded in the face by my dream. And you're probably standing by laughing.)

I am one of the sheep. I know who my shepherd is. But I often play a secondary role in this story. Sometimes I control the gate. At times I open it eagerly for the shepherd to be with his sheep. But other times, I slam the gate shut and yell, "Stay put, I'm too busy to deal with you now. Somebody else can open the gate when the shepherd gets here!" not realizing the shepherd is standing right behind me. 

Here is a link to Eli's most recent sermon, which may be what inspired this dream. 

Odds and Ends

Answered Prayer

This is the part I've been so excited to write about.

My last blog post was about adoption. I shared my need for you to pray for our family through this process and our need for financial support. 

Well, God answers prayers! When I wrote last time, were unable to move forward with our home study because of a financial deficit, and now we have enough for this next step. This is an exciting journey that God is taking us on! This God that we honor, he answers prayers. In the words of Beth Moore, "You can take that to the bank." 

James 5:13-16

"Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. (Woot! Woot!) Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make them well; the Lord will raise them up. If they ave sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. "

Teacher Appreciation

I recently overheard someone talking about public school to someone who worked in a private school.

The comment was, "They're (the students) probably not a number in your school like they are in the public school."

What?! What?!

Rip-roaring WRONG!

I challenge any of you that think that to go visit a public school.  There may be some where students are just a number, but in my experience, my children are LOVED by their teachers. And, their teachers are so fun and creative that you will want to go back. I promise.

I'm not saying that private school teachers don't. In fact, I'm sure they do. I'm just saying that the public school teachers that I have interacted with in the last 5 years have been incredible role models for my children and would be tremendously hurt to hear someone say that in their presence. Not only have each of them tenderly taught my kids for a year of their life, but nearly all of them have kept up with our family even across states, even when they no longer teach my children. Even though their time in a classroom is done or nearly done, I truly believe they want my children to succeed in life.

As it is National Teacher Appreciation Week, I want to thank all you teachers and educators that love our kids like they're own. Thank-you for spending each day of your week helping make our children's future a success. Thank-you for the time you put into research, planning, creativity. I can honestly say that my kid's classroom are one of my favorite places to spend my time and I know my kids feel the same way. Landon can't wait to join you!

I am proud to call you my friends!

The Big Guy

Mom and Jamie, this is for you. Landon has been begging me to send you this clip for a month now, so here it is.

SPRING

Can I be a songbird for a minute?

I LOVE SPRING!
I love the flowers.
I love the grass.
I love the leaves.
I love the trampoline.
Whoops! Guess the songbird wouldn't probably say that.

Here was my yard yesterday. Yep. Not much fun.

                                     

Here is my yard today. Even the sun was happy about it.

That's how we roll here in Utah. No grass today. Green lawn tomorrow. 

We don't have many overcast days.  Yesterday was one of them, but the view at the soccer fields was extra beautiful, being able to see it rain/snow in the mountains.

Adoption

Several weeks ago I mentioned that Eli and I had been accepted into the Ethiopia program with America World.

I want to share a little of our vision with you.

Adoption has been on our hearts for years. We began going to various adoption meetings in WI, focusing mainly on fostering to adopt children with special needs partly because of the daunting amount of money domestic and international adoption costed. Because of the age of our children, I never felt at ease with the idea of fostering due to the age and issues of the kids we would be taking into our home compared to the vulnerable ages of our own children. During that time we were beginning to plan our move here to Utah, and were advised to wait until we were more settled to continue to move forward.

Here in Utah, our community is so supportive of adoption. Eli was challenged by a friend here who told him, "We hear people tell us all the time that they thought of adopting, but then they never did anything about it." Meanwhile, staggering amounts of children grow up without parents.

I love the quote from Katie J. Davis from her book, Kisses from Katie. "The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child salves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left." She also wrote, "God did not make too many people and not enough resources to go around. Because we are living in His world, there HAS to be a solution." I want to be part of that solution!

We recently sent in our first program payment. It was a big step for Eli because he had to sell stock, which he views as our financial security, in order to pay it. I was excited to see God answer the prayer that had been on my heart for him to be fully engaged in the adoption. Plus, I felt like I could not ask others to sacrifice financially until we had done so ourselves.

Here are a couple of things that we are contemplating right now. We are thinking about adopting a sibling group age 8 and under with special needs. The special needs we are are considering could be physical or mental disabilities or HIV positive. The  next step will involve getting out dossier together and sending in the program fees that go along with it. We are unable to apply for financial assistance or loans until our home study is done.

Here's where we are asking for you to partner with us. We desperately need your prayers. Sometimes, I lie awake in bed and my wandering heart begins to wonder if I'm making a mistake of epic proportions. I get overwhelmed with the thought of children with special needs and wonder how my already thin patience level could handle a child with mental disabilities. I worry about things like laws and insurance policies changing for HIV medicines. About losing our home, because we are unable to pay our future bills. I even think about things that haven't ever been recorded as happening yet, like my present children contracting HIV from their siblings.

This is something I can't do without THE PEACE that passes understanding.

But how can I not do it.

How can we not do this, people of God?

What if it was Riley, with his incredible brain power, that was always overlooked, because of a PHYSICAL DEFORMITY.

What if it was Raelyn--with so much potential for loving those around her, that was labeled unadoptable, because of a DISEASE that she had contracted outside her control.

What if it was Baylee, that so needs a mother and father to comfort her in her insecurities, that was unadoptable because she is TOO OLD.

What if it was Landon, and all the joy and laughter he brings, that nobody wanted because of mental DISABILITIES that he had from not having enough to nourish his little body when he was a baby.

I ask you friends, please pray for us.

So here it goes! This part is hard for me! Secondly, Eli and I have committed to try to do this adoption without debt. I know it may seem presumptuous, but we have seen God supply all our needs here to date and believe he will do the same with this adoption. We are praying that God will supply all the finances to do this adoption without going into debt.Our next payment is $8,000 (if we decide to adopt a single child) and probably $4,000 more if we do a second. I hesitate to ask already, because the penny pincher in me wants to save my asks for when I have obtained a matching grant. But we simply don't have the money, so I am asking.

If you are willing, please help us. I can't emphasis how much we need your prayers. We waver. I'll be the first to admit it. Secondly, we need your help financially. This is a two or so year process, so if you aren't in a position to help us out at this point, please pray. Help us live out the words of James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to LOOK AFTER ORPHANS IN THEIR DISTRESS and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (This verse is the one that finally gave me the courage to send in my application.) Thanks, friends.