cold

it's been cold. like wisconsin cold. here. in utah.

i don't know if was the soul cleanse. or the connecticut shooting. or the books i've been reading. or the young men i saw buying guns at the pawn shop. or the sensitivity of my heart at this point in my life. 

but something is amiss. in me. in our country. in our world.

one area in particular is on my mind and spirit.

and i have started becoming very convicted that the movies we watch in this country are BAD. and they cause us to become insensitive to BAD things. they cause some people to be ok with doing BAD things. and we pass if off as weird NOT to watch these BAD mainstream movies and television. 

we watch as people shoot other human beings.

without flinching.

we watch people get beat up by other human beings. 

without flinching. 

we watch people use others, abuse others, hurt others, kill others. 

without flinching.

we find pleasure in watching the "good guy" kill all the "bad guys."

we let our innocent children watch animated violence.

and let them laugh at it. 

seriously.

is there ANYTHING in tom and jerry that is justifiable?

and i am quite sure that it makes GOD sad.

and i can't quite help but contrast JESUS with our "good guys."

i am at fault. i justify what i watch, by saying, "it's not that BAD. at least it's not as BAD as so-and-so watches." and a million other lies.

but here is the real problem. the thing that probably makes GOD the saddest. i am convicted by these thoughts. but i don't know why i'm not strong enough to make a commitment to not watch MOST movies. because that's how many it is. MOST.

here's the real kicker. i'm not sure i WANT to make that commitment. and i'm not sure why i'm so torn by this.

i know what is right.

i want to do what is right.

one of those statements is a lie.

am i the ONLY one that's torn on this? and why?