chameleon

i am a chameleon. 

some might call it a people pleaser.

this chameleon was inborn in me, just as a individual with an outgoing personality comes out of the womb that way or an adventurous spirit doesn't have to be taught to some children. 

i often hear the term, "people pleaser," talked about in a negative light. as if a "people pleaser's" only motive is to leave all convictions behind in order to be in favor with others. that God always takes a back seat to people. that their only motivation is to be well-liked or popular.

but as a self-proclaimed chameleon, i can tell you that my motivation isn't to leave my convictions or beliefs in the dust in order to fit in. nor DO they get left as i try to please others. my motivation isn't to be popular. perhaps part of it is to be well-liked, but honestly, don't we all want to be well-liked? my desire for people to be happy in my presence or for people to enjoy having a relationship with me hasn't seemed to get in the way of my relationship with God. love God, love others. it seems simple and right. 

as a child and now as an adult, i found that my spirit really struggled with conflict and disharmony and sought to be a peacemaker in those situations. i remember specific times that i would try to use humor to ease tension or dispel anyone's annoyance with me. peacemaker went right along with people pleasing. i am a true pacifist. i can't stand to watch boxing, wrestling, or any kind of fighting. nothing quite stresses me out as much as bickering among my children. 

but yet because i have always heard it talked about as a bad character quality, i have struggled with the knowledge that i want people to be pleased with me. 

the last 7 weeks a group of 12 ladies and i have been pouring over the book of james. we had our final meeting last night, and i am so sad to be done with it. there is almost nothing i love more than getting into the word with a group of women.

in one of our final days of homework, beth used 1 corinthians 9:19-23 as part of her lesson.

i have read this particular verse many times and can almost quote it to you. but this week, beth helped spread new light on it for me.

1 corinthians 9:19-23 says, "though i am free and belong to no one, i have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. to the jews i became like a jew, to win the jews. to those under the law i became like one under the law (though i myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. to those not having the law i became like one not having the law (though i am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. to the weak i became weak, to win the weak. i have become all things to all people so that by all possible means i might save some. i do all this for the sake of the gospel, that i may share in its blessings."

oh, how freeing reading those words were for me!!!! paul was a chameleon too!!!! paul, the same guy who, in the same book, in chapter 11: 1 says, "follow my example, as i follow the example of Christ."!!!!

a chameleon is interested in what her peers are interested in.
a chameleon learns to talk the "language" of his comrades.
a chameleon adheres to rules or convictions of those around him.
a chameleon is willing to serve his friends and neighbors.
a chameleon learns how to relate to people.
a chameleon's ability to blend in with those around her can point people to Christ!

i do not write this to toot my own horn. i will be the first to admit that my motives are not always pure.

i write this for my fellow chameleon friends, who have struggled with the connotations and judgement that has been placed on those who try to please others. i write this for the freedom i have found in this passage of scripture this week, that you might see it that way too! thank-you, dear Father, for putting this part of your image into my spirit!!!

"I'm going to end up in jail."

Kids go through hitting stages. At least my kids go through hitting stages. Landon is currently in one of those stages.  Weary of telling him that he needs to be kind, and blah, blah, blah...today I told him that people that hit others go to jail when they grow up. Ok, so not the best parenting moment, but I know y'all get it.

When ever we are in line somewhere, just like his daddy and grandpa Ed, Landon makes conversation. So they nice lady standing in front of us at the DMV was the recipient of Landon's conversation starter today. "I'm going to end up in jail."

If he really ends up in jail, I probably won't be laughing like I am today, but for right now, it's funny to me.

Guess that's all.

birthdays make me a little sad

Today is special.

8 years ago, my beautiful daughter was FINALLY born into this world.

14 days late, I thought she might not ever show up.

As I looked through pictures to help her make her VIP board at school this year, I felt sad that the first 8 years of my time with her is over. GONE. FOREVER.

In 8 more years, I will be taking her to her driving test.

Handing her the keys to my car.

8 years after that, I may be helping her put on her wedding dress.

Or even helping her dress her own baby.

We don't have that long with them.

TIME IS SHORT.

My prayer for this week has been, "Help me embrace their childishness."

Too often, their childishness is inconvenient. Their childishness gets in the way of MY agenda. Their childishness is messy. Their childishness is frustrating.

You know the people that you meet for the first time, and you can tell immediately that they LOVE, they EMBRACE, they CHERISH childishness. That your child is PRECIOUS to them.

That's who I want to be.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean the coddling, talk so babyishly sweet, family bed til your grown, treat you like your the best thing that ever entered the world, cater to your every whim kind of mom. More like the Jack Frost in "Legend of the Gaurdians," sort of mom. The mom that knows HOW to have fun, and WHEN to have fun. The kind of mom that guards and protects, yet keeps in mind that she will be launching them on their own in a few short years. The mom that seizes every moment as an opportunity that will be lost if it is not taken.

Yesterday, another 8-year old lost his life at another man's discretion.

TIME IS SHORT. And may be shorter than we even realize.

I always say, "Eight is Great!" May I live each moment of her eighth year, embracing that thought, embracing her childishness, yet looking forward to new levels of maturity.

Thank-you for this beautiful GIFT!

ode to lentil

yesterday, eli received a text asking if anyone would be interested in watching a dog for $75 a month. as true to my nature, i jumped on board, with a "tell him, sure!" (in case you haven't learned this about me, i am unable to say no to anyone needing help or selling chocolates or such for school fundraisers. in fact, the first time we pulled into the driveway as new owners of a west jordan home, the kids of the neighborhood apparently had already pegged me as a sucker. they sold me two half used pencils covered in duct tape and no erasers for 2 bucks...this is a true story)

i was about to the end of my hospitality limit as we had had people over for 6 nights in a row. i LOVE having people over, but i hate keeping my house clean for so many days. i need a couple of messy days to work on hodgepodge projects to keep my sanity.although lately my projects seem to consist of cleaning out my "stuff it in the drawer, people are coming" spaces. anyway, this couple took my "sure!" literally, and their darling medium sized dog bounded into our lives last night on the tail end of my hospitality streak.

i'm quite sure this dog should be in some kind racing, as she ran insanely fast circles through the house. fat old lentil had a hard time keeping up. between this new little whizzer (literally) and lentil's big butt, chairs and children were flying all around the house like the wicked witch of the west was coming to visit. since she apparently likes to sleep on the couch, i decided to leave her in the basement. she quickly determined she would not stay in the basement and howled at the top of her lungs until we let her out. to counter her couch sleeping arrangements we covered all couches with the chairs that were previously flying around the house.

to her credit, she didn't snuggle up in our bed, but she did get in twice with baylee and once with landon. i woke up this morning to landon's, "ahhh! get out!" and then lentil's ferocious barking, as her pea-sized brain didn't seem to remember that there was a new dog shacking up with us.

i trudged downstairs before 7, a big no-no for this mama, and let the dogs out, who promptly charged their way to the next county. when they finally returned, they galloped inside and little miss promptly slobbered up all of the water in lentil's dish, making sure that slime covered every inch of cabinetry. she then proceeded to race track around the house again, slowing only to leave a trail of pee across the carpet.

she cowered properly when yelled at, which softened my tone a bit. i tied her up outside. she promptly wiggled out of her HARNESS to accompany the middle schoolers walking through our yard to school. this time when she returned, her fate had already been decided, so i packed her up along with the keyboard and headed for worship practice.

all this said, i kinda like the little thing and hope she finds a nice home to stay in the next month. her wild escapades have left me a little snarky today, and i feel thankful for a fat lazy 10 year wiemeraner who usually drives me crazy.

straight from the pk's mouths

a response to my last post.

me to kids: what can we do to raise some money for adoption?

raelyn: we can start a business. too bad you didn't go to school to cut hair like mrs. abbott.

baylee: we can go to the money shop. you know, the place where you buy more money.

riley:  i think our best bet would be to gamble. that's the only way to make that much money. (i swear i have never taken him to chuck-e-cheese, mom!)

landon: we could make more allowance. or we could pray.

glad we taught 'em well.

an Israelite

we just had the most. awesome. week. last week. 

our dear friends, elizabeth, and the pulver family, drove almost 24 hours to come see us, and it was as much as a vacation for our family as it was for them, even though we stayed close to home.

eli's heart was full. rock climbing. talking about what he's been learning. the hopes and dreams God has put in his heart for the future.

the kid's hearts were full. skipping school to jump on the trampoline with their buddies. hiking with their buddies. roller skating with their buddies. skate boarding with their buddies. playing Wii with almost no restrictions with their buddies. and eating easter candy until they were almost sick with their buddies.

my heart was full. eating out at all the yummy places suburbia supplies. staying up late to play games and talk. introducing newer friends to old friends. spending easter with my buddies. living life beside people i love to live life beside. sharing our dream of our adoption.

last week, my heart sang words that echoed moses and the isrealites as they exited egypt. exodus 15: 17-18, "you brought them and planted them on the mountain of your heritage, the place where you live, the place you made, your sanctuary, master, that you established with your own hands. let GOD rule forever, for eternity!"

today i am again an isrealite.

as our first payment for our adoption looms over us, i find myself asking like the isrealites in numbers 20:4-5 "why did you haul this congregation of God out here into this wilderness to die, people and cattle alike? and why did you take us out of egypt in the first place, dragging us into this miserable country?" 

i tried to muster up some faith as eli and i prayed together last night. i tried to remember god's faithfulness to us with every financial difficulty we've ever encountered. 

but i still felt discouraged. like the timing is all wrong. like i should wait until we've saved up some money. like i needed to DO something more. i gathered up toys to sell on ksl. i started the process of becoming an ambassador for a company that helps people make money off of others generosity (and really cute stuff). all the while hating myself for doing it. then the guilt trip began. i shouldn't have eaten out last week. i shouldn't have taken my daughter on a date and bought her new summer clothes. i shouldn't have signed ALL the kids up for soccer. 

how can i go through the easter holiday, basking in the fact that HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD, the miracle of all miracles, and yet not believe that he will help us find the money to adopt two desperately needy children that he desperately loves? in my mother's words, "i-yie-yie, lindsay."

head and heart please meet. 

Fear

So.

I can hear the crickets chirping, and not in an artsy, good way. In an awkward way with me introducing myself. My name is Raelle and I blog over at tons of beautiful. I'm a stay at home mom to two little ones, but they're actually really big. I love to write about our daily life and I drive around with a family size bag of twizzlers in the pocket of my car door.

That's me.

From the minute Lindsay asked me to write on her blog, I got writers block. I was wracking my brain trying to think of something fun, to draw people in, like brain candy. I had nothing. 

Then, the opposite happened, my writers block left and I thought about putting everything and anything on this little guest post. Thankfully, my impulses are controlled.

Fear.

It's actually the last thing on earth that I want to write about. The last. I promise. It's assumed that fear has no place in a Christian's life. That God has reign and rule and fear is squashed. That's what I believe, but that's not what I always live.

It's been something on my mind a lot lately, so I tried to engage my kids.

 I asked my four year old daughter, Eden, what she was afraid of. She said "a man with a white shirt and black and white striped pants". Hmmmm, or should I say Arggghhh :)

 Then I asked my little two year old boy Micah, what he was afraid of. He said the "tooth song". It's on the latest Veggie Tales movie, and it's quite funny. But he does break out into an open wail when he sees it.
I've told myself for so long that I'm not afraid. But I am.
There's so many things, that I'm embarrassed.
I'm afraid of pregnancy, getting too close in relationships, something happening to my kids, my husbands commute, failure in so many areas, to name a few. I know that at the feet of Jesus is the only place where these things belong. That's their only place in this life.
A song that I love so much is Redemption Rain by Jonathan David Helser and Melissa Helser. It talks about how when we take down the walls that we've put up there's so much room; room for greater faith, greater love.
Fear is a wall I've put up. No one would know it though. It's in a little secret compartment in my brain that only  I know about. When I'm quiet and still, sometimes I go there, and I'm haunted, and so incredibly afraid. I know it's wrong, and it seems like some sort of secret sin.
It's no different than any other sin others commit.
Psalm 118:6 says, "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid."
It's true.

I've laid it at the feet of Jesus.

And tomorrow I'll lay it down again

And the next day and the next.

I don't need the wall of fear in my life.

I need room for greater love and greater faith.

Death and Jesus Meet

There wan't ONE recorded person alive that ACTUALLY BELIEVED that Jesus would be raised back to life. NOT ONE. Not the contemporary prophets, not the people of great faith, not his closest friends, not his most loyal followers, not one.

Anyone?

I suspect that many with Him had a GREAT FAITH and a HOPE that a miracle would occur during the Passover, and the prayer time in the garden, and the trial, and the beatings, and the long walk to the place of the skulls, and the even in the final moments as the man hung on the cross...there must have been those present that KNEW...just knew that something would happen.

But nothing did. NOTHING.

Hope died and the dreamers lost their dreams.

A son, a friend, a new beginning became an end.

Death won. Lights blinked out. The creation lost its creator. Ugly. Small. Alone.

Days turned to tears and the dreamers finally crept home.

Nobody believed. NOT ONE. Not a child. Not a centurion. Not a disciple. A prophet. Not one.

Where were the angels? Where was the back up? The power turned off and everyone went back to their houses. OVER. Done.

A day goes by, then another, then another...Where do we go now? Back to our families? Back to the tax booth, the fishing boats, and the churches? Back to work? What is there to return to after this?

JESUS opened his eyes. He stood and stretched his arms. He looked at the scars that remained and remembered the war.

JESUS SPEAKS. Oh, Death, where is your sting?

DEATH REPLIES. I'm sorry, this has never happened before. You've broken the system. How are we supposed to figure any of this out? How are we supposed to continue?

JESUS SMILES BACK. That's right, everything's changed. Easter.

DEATH SAYS. Maybe we should keep this quiet. Just between you and me.

BUT...DEATH IS TALKING TO AN EMPTY ROOM...JESUS HAS ALREADY WALKED OUT. 

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!

Who got the last word, oh, Death?

Oh, Death, who's afraid of you now?

It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin it's leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of life, all three--sin, guilt, death--are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. 

Thank God!

written by Eli Shackelford

An Easter Haiku

love

by lindsay

palm. praise. sing. loud. shout.

hosanna. sing. hosanna.

crowds. cheer. sing. honor.

despair. dying. pain.

sin. shame. hate. nails. wood. thorns. tears.

breath. death. gone. lost. waste.

tomb. clothes. angel. stone.

empty. wonder. elation.

found. king. hope. live. alive. love.